I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's always time for handjobs
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
