Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
