The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
