At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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