So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize