i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
