My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
