Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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