Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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