I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
