Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
