worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
