Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize