If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
