I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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