I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
