I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
