So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
