Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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