the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
