Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My vagina is officially offended.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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