hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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