his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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