all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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