i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
