Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
