You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
