I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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