It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
birth control should be required to get into college
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
