It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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