honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
