Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize