11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
