...so i touched it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
