if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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