Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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