Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
