I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize