WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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