Im at strip club and am horny
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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