Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
