I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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