Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
