My balls are so social today.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
