You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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