take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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