He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
