Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize