Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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