Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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