I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
