ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
