It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
