She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
