why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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