Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
