she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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