YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
