Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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