I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
