Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
