Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
