when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
