Will you blow on my dice?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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