hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
