What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
