I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
