Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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