Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
