There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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