I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
