K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize