phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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