I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
