I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
