I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
