none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
