Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
