It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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