yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
