And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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