So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
