First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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