I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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