My room smells like vodka and shame
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
