smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
