He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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