I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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