I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I need water and some morals
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
