yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Everything about him screamed your future.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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