i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
