That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
