That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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