When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
