and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
dude. I can hear the air.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
