then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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