but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
