Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
