i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
