the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize