i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
