Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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